Harry Potter

Warning: Contains spoilers… 

    People have been telling me for years that I need to watch the Harry Potter reality series of documentaries. I have been completely against it as, being a good Christian woman, I am completely against witches. As far as I’m concerned, I’ll go along with what the bible says about them. That they should all be put to death! Burn them at the stake I say!

 Some people have told me that the Hollywood style witches we see on Harry Potter and other movies are not real witches at all and they were actors playing fantasy roles.  Real witches are supposedly nice people who care about their families and the environment. Well that’s nonsense. The bible says they are evil, so they must be! If the bible tells you something there’s no need to question it any further. You can switch off your brain. And that’s what the people who made the Harry Potter series certainly did!

I have to say I wasted 20 hours of my life watching this rubbish. They tried to make out that Hairy, Whoremoanie and Ron the Weasel were good witches, but that just can’t be. Practicing the dark arts makes them evil! There can be no argument. Then of course you have that big ogre Hograd who pretends to be a nice ogre but keeps hideous beasts as pets. And then there is Dumbullderr, who is supposed to be the kindly headmaster of Hogwarts. Huh! As if!

And the good characters! They are portrayed as the evil ones. Like Draco Malfoy and Professor Cerberus Snake. Although it turned out Snake was a nasty piece of work after all. Then the greatest hero of them all, is he who SHOULD be named. Moldywart! Why is it that the best characters of every movie end up dead or humiliated at the end? It sickens me.

I do have to say though there were aspects of it that were delightful. Those were the scenes where Hairy was with his lovely family, ie, his Uncle Vermin, Aunt Petunia and their sweet son, Dudley. In many ways it reminded me of one of my favourite children’s stories, Matilda. JK Rowling clearly stole ideas from that story. That horrible little minx, Ratilda was treated just as she should have been by her parents and brother. Likewise, Hairy was treated in a similar way by his “Muggle” family. And I have to admit, it also reminds me of my sons when they were young. They too were often made to sleep in cupboards. They too were unruly little shits who deserved to be hidden away from decent society, much like Hairy Potter had to be. Ahh the memories. And what wonderful guardians the Dursleys were. They could easily win an award for parents… or guardians of the year.

As I watched this reality series, the children changed over time.

They started out as nasty little brats constantly in danger. There were so many dodgy characters that could have been paedophiles. Spurious Black,  Gilderoy Lockfart, Alastor "Lustful-Eye" Moody, Dobby and Dumbullderr himself! It was like living in a Catholic boarding school with a bunch of priests! No way would I ever let my brat go to school at a place like that!  

As the series progressed, they evolved into juvenile delinquents obsessed with sex. Nobody knew who Hairy was going to hook up with in the end. Would it be Hormonie?  Ho Chang? Loony Lovegood… Ron the Weasel maybe? Or worse, Professor Sprout! There was no knowing in this warped series of documentaries. Of course, in the end he shacked up with Ron’s little sister. I guess I should be relieved about that!

Overall, I have to say this is an appalling and immoral lot of movies that should be relegated to the horror section of any video catalogue. Listen to what the Christians say. This series is pure evil and should be avoided at all costs!

Rating = 2 Stars  

Reviewer = Aunty Lil