Heaven would be Hell

Can you imagine it? You’re up there in Heaven and you’re trying to have a good time, but you know that you own children right now are writhing in intense agony in Hell. How do you think you’re going to have a good time in Heaven with that knowledge? How do you think you’ll feel towards the guy who sentenced your beloved children to that suffering? Let’s get real here… Probably not too warmly.

Also just think about how boring it will be. There are only a finite number of facts to learn, so you can’t keep on learning and discovering new things, which is one of the things that makes life exciting. After several billion years you’ll have learnt everything there is to learn and done everything there is to do. A few zillion years after that, you’ll just be repeating the same old stuff over and over. You’ll be begging the almighty for death!

And what will you talk about at dinner parties?   What's a party without a bit of juicy gossip? But there will no gossip, because that's a sin. In fact nobody will do anything bad at all, so there will be nothing to gossip about. What will we talk about? The weather?


'Oh Frannie, wasn't it lovely weather we had yesterday?'

'Oh yes, it was fantastic weather.'

'And didn't we have great weather the day before too?'


'And the day before that. And the day before that.'

'Yes, we get wonderful weather every day here in Heaven, don't we?'


Let's face it, most of what we talk about comes as a result of sin, pain, suffering and the stupid things humans do.


'Wow, isn't Frank such a nice guy?'

'Yes, he's a wonderful guy, there's just nothing bad I can say about him. He's so thoughtful and kind.'

'What a guy. Oh and how about that Jill?'

'She's lovely. Such a wonderful lady.'

'As nice as Hannah?'

'She's just as nice as Hannah.'


Imagine it. There will be no complaining about your asshole boss...


'Jesus picked me to kiss his feet today!'

'That's wonderful, you are so lucky. I look forward to the day when it will be my turn to kiss his wonderful feet.'


…There will be no bratty kids to tell stories about...


'Nancy did you see what little Roger did yesterday? He ate all his vegetables without being told.'

'I know, he's been doing that for the last million years. So nothing's changed then?'

'No, he's still just as good at eating his vegetables.'


'That little boy from down the road was playing around in my yard yesterday! He weeded the garden and watered the plants.'

'Like he does every week?'


'I don't know, kids today, they're always to thoughtful.'


…No whinging about the next door neighbours...


'How's that next door neighbour of yours?'

'Jack? He's great. He was playing his worship music too loud last night and I asked him to turn it down. Guess what? He turned it down!'

'How considerate of him!'

'Yes, he's a very considerate person.'


…No whining about the mother in law…


'I just love my mother in law, she's so lovely.'

'But isn't she always around? When do you get time alone with your wife?'

'But she's so wonderful, why would I ever not want her around?'


There will be no stories of hardship and danger to tell.


'I was driving into town this morning and there was this man in this car driving towards me! And he just stopped and gave way to me!'

'Yeah, drivers are like that here in Heaven. Totally considerate and courteous. So what happened after that?'

'I arrived at town.'

'Oh, so like the other billion times you drove into town then?'



Without those things we'd have nothing to talk about. Conversation would be totally boring.


'Wow, John, wasn't this morning's worship service amazing? I get such a kick out of spending hours every day at God's feet, worshipping him. It was just so amazing this morning, I just had this astounding feeling as I worshipped him, it was phenomenal!'

'Yeah, yeah, I was there remember? I know! We all get that same thing. And it happened yesterday and the day before that and the day before that and the day before that! You've been telling me this, every day for the last million bloody years. How about we talk about something else for a change?'

'Like what?'

'Well... how about the amazing day we spent out enjoying God's creation yesterday?'

'Oh you mean like the days we've had for the last 10 billion years?'

'Yes! Isn't it wonderful?'

'It sure is! Sigh....'


Let’s get real Christians. Eternal life in Heaven isn’t going to be all it’s cracked up to be. In fact it looks like it will be quite the curse.

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Comments: 1
  • #1

    Rex (Monday, 21 October 2013 15:37)

    Nice article and I think you are right on it, although for many religions this version of heaven is a bit different from what they see, maybe you can get down (if you know what I mean) in heaven with your wife. Maybe you have 72 wives you can have some fun with. Maybe you can make your own worlds. Maybe they believe that tehnology, sports, and other cool stuff still exist. Maybe they believe you can choose to be born again into a world you created and experience life anew. There are a lot of different possibilities although the common christian heaven will be as boring as hell.