A lot of people have written into me about the advice I give in UBBA Magazine, especially to one of my fans who has started his own religion. Many complain that I am giving him this advice, while others are very impressed and have asked me to do a series of sermons on creating your own religion. I have decided to do this.
Now let me get one thing clear, I do not approve of people starting up their own religions. There is only one true religion and that is the one that I, Pastor Jake adhere to. So I do this series, not in the hope that you will create your own religions, but in the hope you will see the folly of it. I hope that you will be able to identify false religions when you see them. Even false versions of Christianity!
This is part 1 of my talk. Part 2 will be added later.
Include religious rituals
Every good religion is full of religious rituals to keep people entertained. All one has to do is look at a typical Christian church, with its baptisms, altar calls, communion , worship sessions, bible readings, prayer times, etc etc. There is a lot going on, so you need to create some of your own religious rituals too.
Say food is your thing. Perhaps instigating some kind of communion ritual would be a good one. Religious rituals around eating and drinking. Really though, it’s up to you what you instigate. As soon as you say it’s crucial to do those things to be considered a true member of your religion, your adherents will do them. Even if they don’t like the idea of practising religion just try to make out it’s not really religion. That it’s them taking further steps in their relationship with your God.
Finances and Ministries
No religion can run without funds. The more money coming in the more “God can do”.
Be sure to preach regularly about giving money and give plenty of opportunities to give beyond tithing. Be sure to promise rewards in the afterlife for those who are willing to give up their wealth now while alive. Lay a guilt trip on those who don’t give and tell them they are robbing your god.
There are many ways you can have ministries going that can benefit you and also not use up too much cash. Every Christian charity and church uses the majority of their income to pay generous salaries and keep their offices and buildings looking top notch and modern. You can certainly do the same. After all your buildings should be temples, places that a king should be able to visit. Do not feel guilty about having all the latest bells and whistles. With technology in particular, you can say it makes your ministry more efficient and that you reach more souls because of it.
Think hard about charities you can perform. Performing some kind of service would benefit you and make the people in your congregation believe you really are doing something for the less fortunate. Also it will give your ministry a good name. You could even send yourself on a missionary journey to some place like the Bahamas or Hawaii. Pastors go on missionary and leadership trips to all sorts of exotic locations at the expense of their congregations. Nobody knows that all they do is preach at a couple of church services and spend the rest of the time sightseeing and relaxing on beaches.
Dealing with contradictions and errors in your teachings
There are several obvious things you can do to iron out the inevitable problems you will have with your doctrine, theology and dogma.
Simply try to justify the contradictions and flaws. Make up some warped and twisted explanation that perhaps ties in with another of your teachings so that it no longer becomes a contradiction. You could also claim some parts are symbolic or metaphors, to get around some of the nonsense. You could also make up some kind of supernatural entity similar to the Holy Spirit which helps you read and understand. You can say that the writings are cryptic and that you need this Holy Spirit to help understand the truth. Or you could just say it’s a translation issue and that your English writings are simply translations of some old language, perhaps ancient writings you found in a cave somewhere. You can then come up with a different interpretation to explain away the error.
The Christian church came up with something called Apologetics. ie, ways to shuck and jive your way around the flaws and problems with the bible. Come up with something similar when it comes to your religions doctrines and writings.
Part 2 coming later...